Left Hanging
by Dark Zero 1718
Summary: After Lelouch's death, Suzaku was alone, sorrounded by numerous questions. The dark aura of his misery bounded him and the past continues to haunt his dreams. He wonders around the darkness, until someone came to relieve him from the providence that reality is showing him. Implied Suzalulu. One-shot.


Hi all! ^_^

Okay..first of all, this one-shot just crossed my mind. As much as I ship Suzalulu so much, I just applied mild reference of shounen-ai to this fic. ( I don't wanna go too overboard. Because if I do, I'll only feel anxious ._. ) In additional, this also contains angst parts. I deeply apologize for any grammar errors, inappropriate use of words and OOC-ness. I suck at writing angst, but I'll try my best to polish my works. :)

Hope you like it! :D

* * *

**LEFT HANGING**

The clock strucked twelve and I lay wide awake on my bed.

_I'm hurting._

I couldn't sleep because of these conflicting emotions running around my head. There were random scenarios of my past, flashing repeatedly before my eyes everytime I slid them shut. And when I see them, I can't help but feel nauseated and let my melancholy build up inside me. My past was disconsolate, pitiful, terrifying and burdensome.

_If only I could change them.._

I can't. It's all over..

The soothing voices of these deceased people haunts my dreams like a bunch of ghosts.

I had always adore those moments I hear them speak to me..

But only for a short matter of time..

There was a time..when my father told me that I can become superior. That explains the broken watch I used to carry in every mission. But I guess..I wasn't able to live the life that he wanted me to. I was plagued by a different set of concerns. Life treated me with such cruelty. I've been having suicidal thoughts lately, but I couldn't simply throw my life away. Whenever I try, I'm still forced to live on.

All because of one man.

His accursed power is the one preventing me from dying. It manifests your will in just one look in his eyes and one command, deadly or not. It feels like I'm being converted into an immortal subject.

_Why..?_

Questions resonated in the back of my head. Why did he do that? Why would he let something go against my will? Why am I so doubtful? Just how long will he let me remain in the darkness?

Silence.

I shifted into a different position. Slowly, very slowly, a tear fell from my eye and landed on the pillow, soaking a small part of its fabric. Sorrow engulfed my emotions. The demise of the people so important to me..I'm remembering them again. The only way I can make these flashbacks disappear is to see a certain raven haired friend of mine.

He, however..died too. And I'll never see him anymore..

And I was the one who did it.

_Lelouch.._

His name..so beautiful and pleasing to hear. I want to feel his warmth wrap around me, to melt this cold and agonizing feeling buried my heart. My best asset is his pair of violet colored eyes. I seek his comforting words whispher in my ear.

_Lelouch, you idiot..! You know how my life turned into crap and you're the only one who can snap me out of it! LOOK AT ME, I'M A MESS! WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?_

He's the only one who bares the same pain as mine. Our hands, stained with blood of thousands of innocents. I know..it needs to be done. The war that has been wavering for 8 years needs to stop, pronto. Lelouch sacrificed his freedom, just for the peaceful world that Nunnally and Euphy desire. That's what he told me. He destroyed the world and created it anew...along with his life.

Painful.

Regardless of the world, calling him a mere demon, a shameless man and cold as ice...some grieved for his loss. Especially me.

We were left helpless. The questions we ask him..unanswered forever. But mine was different..it was something that was suppose to change things for me. But I was too late, because I didn't have to courage to do so. I was utterly disappointed.

I spaced out again..back to the night before Zero Requiem.

**( Flashback )**

_I strode through the huge corridors of the palace, in search for someone. I will certainly confess this time..there's no backing out. I went to the back door and when I stepped out, I caught a glimpse of a man, sitting alone in the serene garden of the Royal Palace, wearing pristine white robes. His raven hair swaying as the wind blows. I took a deep breath and walked to my Emperor._

_"Your..majesty?" I called out sheepishly, mentally slapping myself for letting out a slightly timid voice. Lelouch turned to me and he looked rather surprised to see me._

_"Suzaku? It's late, what are you doing here?"_

_"..I want to tell you something.." I replied. "It's very important.."_

_"Is that so..well, I'll hear that 'something' if you can join me here. It's more breathtaking in this spot anyways.."_

_"Of course.." I said as I joined him._

_"What do you need to say?" He finally asked me, after a brief moment of silence. I bit my lip and looked down. I was having second thoughts. But I shouldn't.._

_"Well..I.." My words doesn't make any sense at all. This is embarrassing me, I need to say it. "I just want to say..I.." My adrenaline was increasing and my heart was pounding against my chest as if I'm running a 100 meter sprint. "I'm sorry..I couldn't say it."_

_"Why?"_

_"It's complicated. I'm afraid that you might...get cranky."_

_"What are you talking about?" Lelouch asked again. "Look, if this is all about the past..I don't wanna hear it. Like I said, the past is the past. And when tomorrow comes, a new era will be born. This time, it's better.."_

_"No no..it's not that really."_

_"Then, what? Suzaku, you're not making any sense.''_

_I thought so. He would say that. "Lelouch..I..''_

_"You..what?"_

_'..Lelouch, I want to say that I love you..'_

_"..I'm a bit..afraid for tomorrow." the wrong statement came out from my mouth. "Do you think we can do it?"_

_Lelouch smirked. "Of course. You've trained for it didn't you? Your performance is good enough for Zero Requiem. I bet we'll have everyone fooled..but as for my upcoming limit, it shall be done."_

_"..Yeah." I muttered._

_"A bit doubtful today huh?"_

_"No..I'm just a bit tired." I lied. I highly doubt that I can stab you. I don't want to kill you, Lelouch. Because I love you. Killing your loved ones is the most remorseful memory._

_"Then, go to sleep. Don't worry about me, I just need to think for a while. You need more rest because your role in the Zero Requiem is tough.."_

_I wanted to say more things. But..I'm just discouarged now. I just nodded, stood up and went back inside. _

_When I arrived at my room, I locked the door and leaned on it. I sighed heavily._

_'..I wasted my chance..'_

**( End of Flashback )**

A foolish man I'am, is there anything I can do?

No. Lelouch is dead. Gone. How am I going to confess now?

No matter how many times I say I love you, Lelouch...the only sound I can hear is the ticking of the clock and my soft sobs. Because, he's gone and all our times together are left to stalk me as long as I live.

Heaving a sigh, I sat up and crawled out of bed. I stared out the window, looking up at the navy blue sky filled with dots of lustrous white stars. I opened it and let the fresh atmosphere pass by me. I inhaled deeply and exhaled, hoping that all tension that weighed on my shoulders would just go away.

And letting out the sadness vested in me..

My past...and for not being able to create a last memory with my beloved Emperor.

Lelouch...

_Why did he just leave everyone hanging like that? Including me..just why is it like this?!_

Seriously Lelouch, why?

_Damn it! DAMN IT ALL!_

I cannot stop screaming. But I knew it won't help. Refrain is not an option either. Besides, I'll only be stopped.

What I really need to do now...is to let it all go and move on. I'll continue to serve as Zero, as my punishment. To wear a mask and let my name, Suzaku Kururugi, bury itself in the burning ashes..deserted and forgotten for the rest of the eternity, for I'am already a deceased man to the world, just like Lelouch.

The truth about his Geass command..I'll have C.C. answer it for me. She's his accompice anyway.

Forget about the confession..it will all be just the same. I'm just wasting my time waiting for an answer. I can make him happy, not only by that, but protecting Nunnally for him as well. In fact, that's one of the things he wanted me to do. However..I got one last thing to do before moving to the next level. It's already obvious, I won't recieve any response. But as my last try..my final attempt to confess, I'll do it.

The wind blows gently across me.

I began to say it.

"I love you, Lelouch...I can't tell if you can really hear me, but please do not forget. I'll always love you and I will do anything to protect the peaceful world that you fought for. I miss you so bad, you know. But you won't come back, I know. So..I hope you're happy and I'm sorry for being idle because of my doubts. I'll have to forget them and move on, in order to continue as Zero."

As I spoke, my tears race down my cheeks, like a waterfall. And I broke into fits of sobs, crying for the dead man that I love.

Then, I felt a pair of thin arms wrap around my neck. I held my breath.

"Suzaku..don't cry. I'm right here."

_Lelouch..?!_

"I'm always by your side. Don't feel think about your past for too much..it pains me to see you like this."

When those arms left me, I slowly turned around. Through my tear-filled eyes, I see a raven haired man, smiling softly at me. "Lelouch..? Is that..you?" I asked with a sense of joy creeping up to me.

"Yes..it's me Suzaku.."

I smiled through my tears and flung myself at him. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed hard as ever.

"Why? Why did you have to let me do that?!" I cried. "I spent the whole damn night, asking and asking questions..waiting and waiting for answers! We all feel so helpless! Dammit Lelouch, how could you?!"

"Shh..it's fine." Lelouch coaxed and returned the hug. "I'm sorry...it's the only way."

When our embrace came into an end, he wiped my tears away. "It's okay, Suzaku. I'll be there..watching. Even if I'm not with you, always remember..I'm just right there." he said and kissed my forehead. "Don't give me that look, smile for me."

"But I..."

Lelouch kissed my cheek. "I love you too. How I wish to stay longer with you..but I can't."

"Y-you.." I can't believe it. He..he loves me too? He began to walk away. No no..don't leave me alone again.

"Lelouch!" I cried and held on to his hand. I can see tears streaming down his face.

"I'll visit you another time. We will meet again soon. Take care of Nunnally for me...and tell her I love her."

That's the last thing I heard from him before I passed out.

**... ... ...**

I opened my eyes slowly. I was laying on my back on the floor and had a throbbing pain in my head. What the heck happened? I sat up and found a note beside me. I began to read.

_Suzaku,_

_I'm sorry for making you faint. I have to do it so you won't feel more sadness once I leave you. One night of misery is enough. But promise me do not tell anyone about this secret I'm about to reveal, including my visit last night._

_It's the fact that I'am alive and immortal. I'm currently living with C.C. on the countryside. But it's best for you to stay there, I don't want to see any tears on your eyes, you hear me? By the way.._

_I love you, Suzaku Kururugi. I'll see you when the time comes._

_~Lelouch Vi Britannia_

As I finished, I was speechless. Lelouch is alive..that's so..unbelievable. However I have to keep it, as his best friend and lover. Last night, I was thinking about the past so much that I nearly drove myself insane. Right now, I feel much better..all thanks to him. I can finally move on, yet I'm still a bit doubtful. But at least, I know that I won't feel much pain anymore..for now, that is.

I was left hanging. But I received an answer to my confession to him..and I'm statisfied.

**-END-**

* * *

..And there we go! :D

If you guys would like me to make a romance-comedy fic featuring the Suzalulu pairing, I would gladly do it! However, it will take some time since I have school and next week will be start of prelims so...I think it will be released after a few weeks. And DAMN! I haven't updated any new chapters for my fantasy stories! That's another reason..busy with the other fics and stuff. -_-

But, I'll try to find time for the romance-comedy one-shot. Or should I make it multi-chapter? What do you guys think? I'll see to it, then. Thank you so much for reading! Don't hesitate to leave a review. They really help me a lot. ^^

See you all soon!

**~Dark Zero 1718**


End file.
